If you’ve heard of ADHD you’ve probably stumbled across the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
But what is it?
RSD is a common issue those with ADHD encounter.
It is not part of the diagnostic criteria, and therefore is not exactly a symptom of ADHD; more a byproduct.
RSD is a heightened emotional and/or physical response, to real or perceived rejection.
There are several important factors at play in why those with ADHD struggle so much with RSD.
Emotional dysregulation. The ADHD nervous system & hormones produce intense emotions. These can often last much longer than in the average human. Furthermore, emotions can change frequently and subtly in ADHDers, making it difficult to respond appropriately.
Masking. Modern living isn’t set up to suit the ADHD brain. This resulting in masking behaviours used to ‘make up for’ our symptoms. This can look like people pleasing, overworking to the point of burn out, over planning to avoid being late or making mistakes. Wearing this mask day after day, year after year is draining. Feeling like you’re constantly behind your peers shatters our self esteem.
Lack of accommodations. As noted above, the society we live in doesn’t carer to the needs of neurodivergents. Why accommodate those who are driven by novelty, reward, challenge & urgency? This doesn’t make a good employee now, does it? We face rejection and criticism at a much higher rate than neurotypicals. Leaving us anxious for the next insult or rejection, thus heightening the response once it occurs (or appears to).
Let’s dig into the rejection for a moment.
Remember I said real or perceived rejection?
A large chunk of the difficulty with handling RSD is knowing whether or not you actually were being rejected. Or if you simply interpreted that to be the case…
The kicker? Your nervous system is going to respond the exact same way; real or not.
After feeling rejected and criticised consistently for many years, it leaves us believing everything is rejection.
It’s like a safety mechanism that causes more harm.
Rejection becomes a catalyst for wave after wave of crushing emotion. Tide after tide of endless thoughts.
“Why am I like this?”
“I’m always messing things up”
“People are happier when I’m not around”
“I hate myself”
It doesn’t have to stay this way.
I wish I could summarise how to overcome RSD.
I wish I had a simple answer for you.
I wish you didn’t need that answer so badly, and I’m sorry you do.
What I can tell you is this; you’re not alone in dealing with this, and I know it can get better.
I still struggle with this at times. Especially if I’m exploring new territory and I’m outside my comfort zone.
At some point I became aware of the fact that it doesn’t matter if other people reject me. So long as I don’t reject myself.
If I make sure that I’m holding space for my emotions, challenging the negative self talk, and reminding myself of my worth, RSD can’t win.
Okay, sometimes it will win.
And that’s okay, too.